Newest Obsessions

So as I have been shopping for everyone for Christmas I have come across a few things I WANT and a few things I want to share because they are awesome!

www.thegivingkeys.com

THe giving keys is officially the best thing I've heard of in a while. You get a key and give it to someone either on a necklace, bracelet, ring, whatever, then once they either "live that word" or find someone else who needs it they pass it along. I love it, but I feel like it would take a lot for me to give it up.

www.theskimm.com

Just read it and you'll get it

www.fightingpretty.org

I bought this for my mom when she was sick. And by bought this, I had one sent to her and I donated money so one could be sent to someone else too. It sends a nice package to women fighting cancer to help them still feel pretty. and they get awesome pink boxing gloves too! Look into it and do it if you know someone who could use it.

www.fabfitfun.com

I have to admit, I'm obsessed with subscription boxes. I have never gotten this one, probably because it's $200 A YEAR! but doesn't mean I don't want it :)  I like boxes that give you full size products and different varieties of products

Amazon Prime

Yeah, I know that is so 3 years ago, but how nice is it to keep finding gifts and not have to worry about shipping every time. I recently learned Amazon has yet to make a profit because they lose so much on shipping costs. I'm still questioning the logic but I have a feeling they are smarter than me.

www.hellofresh.com

I have yet to make a meal i've hated. I'm excited for the holiday travel schedule to be over so I can get another box and make it easy to make at least 3 good dinners in one week.

www.Dancember.tv

I am one of the millions who is obsessed with YouTube and vlogging families. I would love to do it except I work too much, i'm not that interesting, and I know nothing about videography/producing etc.  It's Judy's Life is a vlogging family, but every December they raise money for a good cause. I wish I could donate more.




So New Years Eve I am having several families over to celebrate the New Year! I am excited but also a little nervous to hope everything goes well. I'm sure it will, I just like to make sure everyone has a FANTASTIC time whenever they are at my house. May be a little bit of a pipe dream because you can't always make everyone happy, but it's worth a shot.

Subject Change

I think I have asked myself the same question for the past 3 days now. "Do I think of my mother every day?"  I think that is a weird question to actually ask myself. Like, am I a bad person if I don't think of her at least one time every day. For the record, I actually do think that I think of her probably 46 times every day, but that won't last forever. I've had at least 3 dreams about her since she passed away.  Last night was dream #4. I had a dream that my father was going to pick her up from Chemo. He was saying it was a really bad day and she wasn't doing well that day. During the dream DH and I lived in a house where a tiger had recently taken shelter in so I told my dad we were going to move in because we couldn't live with a tiger and we wanted to help him out with my mom. He was actually a little hesitant but said if it would help us out so we didn't have to live with a tiger than it was fine. Dream Meaning???? No idea. - HA!

I recently received a letter from a dear old friend. Her father passed away maybe 7 years ago give or take. She wrote very kind words and gave me three pieces of advice:

#1 - Keep reliving the good memories. It's ok to think about her all the time and to think about memories.

#2 - Holidays are hard, so eat lots of chocolate to help. (She included a batch of some of the most delicious brownies I have ever eaten)

#3 - Relationships will change. Some won't know how to deal and will push away but some will realize what is truly important and will try to connect closer so be open to everyone.

She was always smarter than me. The story gets better too. As I was texting her for a second time about how good the brownies were she wrote back the next day saying "sorry I couldn't reply, I was being asked a very important question"....... and now she's engaged :)

Life still goes on.  Life is good.  I miss my mom.  Life would be better if she were here.  Breathing helps.

Oh yeah, and I tried my hand at some new crafting

Not too shabby.

This is why...

Monday Morning wake up at 1am to a crying baby.  Doesn't need food, doesn't need changed, just needs his momma to hold him while he falls back asleep.

2am back in bed to wait for the 5am wake up from big girl who is awake and doesn't want to be alone.

6am starts the day with showers, breakfast snacks and out the door to get to daycare and back for the 8am work day.

Workdays consist of inconsistent meetings and deadlines and sporatic phone calls that make "lunch gym time" impossible.

5pm workday over and time to make dinner.  As the children get home, 545pm starts crazy dinner time or really just individual food fights between my children and the floor.

630pm starts bathtime and bedtime routines. Baby boy goes down around 730 after his bottle and big girl goes to bed around 8pm.

9pm regularly consists of a wail from big girls room because she needs 1 of 4 things:

needs to go potty even though she went before bed
needs water like she hasn't had a drink in weeks
needs to be covered with her "special" blanket, then throws it off after you put it on
needs a hug (alright I guess that one's ok)

10pm consists of strict bedtime as DH & I need at least 5 hours of sleep to function as a human most days.

In between these crazy times, the house needs cleaned, laundry needs done, groceries need bought, christmas decorations need to be hung, presents need to be bought, visits with family need to happen, yards need to be taken care of. (By both DH and I)

- This ladies and gentleman is why parents of small children can't work out!!! - Any advice as to where we can fit it in would be great!

Picture Haul

Last weekend we babysat my nieces for the whole weekend.  It was crazy but it was tons o fun.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

This weekend I am having my nieces over for the WHOLE WEEKEND! I'm so excited, but not as excited as my kids are going to be, lol.

DH and I went to the store and pretty much bought out the snack aisle.  I thought to myself, they are gonna LOVE coming to Aunt Tracey's house, then I thought, wait I gotta give this junk food to my kids too!  Hence the phrase YOLO! (you only live once).

We are gonna watch movies and stay up late and bake pies and eat pizza and everything is just going to run perfectly smooth............RIGHT???

Fortunately I'm finally getting over this cold that has been lingering around the house.  I think the chicken noodle soup my sister made me definitely helped

Doesn't it look yummy?

We also celebrated our 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Whoa. It's funny to think about it like that, because really DH and I have been together for about 13 years now.  Since I was 18 and a freshman in college (man I miss those days).  Life with DH isn't always 100% roses and cupcakes but it's an adventure I'm thankful I've got a front row seat to.

We went to Philly for the day on Veteran's Day because I have off and he took a vacation day.  We had so much fun just being tourists. We ate breakfast a the Reading Terminal, than we shopped and walked and shopped. Had drinks at A BAR - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try this place if you are ever in town.  It was the best part of our day. and I highly recommend The Picket Fence as a drink.  I probably could have had 10.

Lunch was served at Luke's Lobster. It was good but I think my mind had already been blown from the drinks we had previously.

So Friday was our real anniversary.  Since we already went out and had an ER trip that morning (more on that later), we stayed in.  Had some great cheeses and ordered appetizers from a nearby restaurant. All in all - I'd say it was a success!

We were supposed to visit with my newest nephew again, but since Chewy (AKA Matthew) had some issues (again ER trip), we stayed home while DH had some fun with his brother....Looks like Chewy was still a little out of it, hahaha.

So to make a long story short, Matthew had an allergic reaction.  Thursday morning he had hives but Urgent Care said it was ringworm. Cut to the next day, it had gotten worse and was swelling his eyes so momma bear came roaring and said enough is enough, it's ER time.

Turns out it was NOT ringworn. We now have an allergist appointment scheduled for next month.  Sounds like a nightmare, but you gotta do what you gotta do. All in all, it wasn't that bad and it could have beeen a lot worse, so I'll thank my lucky stars.

So changing subjects, I really needed to write another blog post, I was going crazy seeing the pic of me and my mom every time I came back to the blog.  I don't want every post to be sad and about her but even at lunch today I told DH, "I'm sad that I don't know when I'll ever not be sad". I hate to be so cliche, but it's a feeling you will never understand until you live it. I could say a million more things but I want to keep the post light and happy.  

Matthew and Emma are happy and thriving.  Emma may kill me with potty training and Matthew apparently only needs 5 - 6 hours of sleep a night to function, but my children are my life. My children are pure and perfect and I made those little snot buckets. They came out of my body after I grew them for almost a year.  It's pretty crazy if you really think about it sometimes (cliche #2 of the day). I wrestle with not spending as much time as I want to with me but that's for a different day. 

Well, Until Next Time........

Life Goes On

This was the last pic I have of us.....when we found out the cancer had grown and spread. I laid with you in your chemo chair while you kept on fighting (and tickling my head). - You were the best!




My mom died.

My mom died 33 days ago.  She was 51.  Everyone reading this already knows this. (probably)

If it was a little while between blog posts I would get a simple two word email....."Update please"

I don't get those emails anymore.

If there was a dawn of a new day I would get a phone call "Just calling to chat"

I don't get those phone calls anymore.

It is so easy to cry.  So easy to be sad. It's so easy to wish this on someone else. and I do....all three....all the time. Sorry but not sorry.

95% of the time, I think I'm doing pretty darn good.  When my daughter mentions Grammy I don't even cry.  I just remind her that she is in heaven and Emma replies "Oh Heaben" and we continue on with our day.

As I write this, off the top of my head I know at least 6 people that have lost a parent. I wasn't there for them like they were there for me.  I didn't get it. Nobody gets it. Which is fine, actually a good thing. You shouldn't feel this pain unless it is hitting you in the face.

It was extremely personal and my mother perfectly orchestrated the moment she decided to leave this world. That's all I'll say about that.

And life goes on.......

Matthew is walking now. Running almost.  He is also trying to kill me.  The past 2 nights have been AWFUL!  Where did my perfect little boy go and why doesn't he sleep anymore? Growing pains?  I don't know, but all I know is, please don't keep this up for too long. He's lucky he's so darn cute and I'm lucky he can't speak english yet and repeat the things I say 2 am. ;)

Emma is turning into the cutest little lady.  I am so excited she's in the "kids say the darndest things" phase.  it's amazing and I could listen to her talk all day. Except when she isn't getting what she wants.  Every new age is a learning experience for DH and I.  We lose our patience but then we find it again and we work together and work against each other and find a balance every 3rd hour of the day with these kiddos.  Than we joke about having a third, HAHAHAHA!

NOT ANY TIME SOON!

Emma had a UTI a few weeks ago.  Had a fever go up to 104.  I would have called my mother but she wasn't there. instead DH and I figured it out together... and we made it.

I was having some issues a few weeks ago. I had an ovarian cyst, no big deal now, but at the time I was freaking out. I literally went down every name in my phone and said, ok, who is the most like mom I could call......I'm still looking.

Ok, going down the depressed road, but honestly I just wanna get these thoughts out, because once they are out, maybe they will stay out, at least for a little while.

And I'm not so alone. I have the best big sister in the freaking world. Who I could call about my child's fever and my own issues. And I do most times. She's the best. I wouldn't make it without her that's for sure. and I have a DH who sits right next to me at 3 am taking my daughter's temperature reading her books as I put a wet washcloth on her face, not making me do this alone. And I have a dad who listens to me about my ovarian cysts because he's pretty great too. I have a lot of people who love me. Life ain't so bad. - rant over

Anyway, we have a family wedding this weekend!!!! So excited. I'm a bridesmaid and it's just going to be a really nice time to enjoy love and life.  Did I mention it's on DH's side of the family so my 'oh so wonderful' sister is taking the kids - FOR TWO NIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HALLELUJAH!

Me and Bride to Be!

Some updated photos! :)

Dear Matthew.....

Dear Matthew,

My little baby boy.  The apple of your father's eye and one of the holders of my heart. I have never met a happier baby than you. A morning is not complete without a little extra snuggle and I know I can always get a little extra sleep if I bring you into bed with me and hold you close as your close your eyes in pure bliss. I have a love/hate relationship with the term "Momma's Boy" but if there ever was one, I'd say it was you. 

Your birth-day was quite a bit different from your sister's as we knew exactly when and how you would be meeting us.  That was about all we could predict as the nurses laughed when I said you would probably be 10 lbs. Even then you didn't want to leave your momma and they had to vacuum you out during the c-section. Your arrival certainly came with lots of excitement and drama as your blood counts were low, but a little time with Mommy and Daddy and everything evened out and you were just fine.

You loved to be in my arms so much that the nurse had to put a sign on the door for no one to come in because you gave mommy and daddy no sleep the first few days you were here. I can tell you I loved every second of those first few days in retrospect, but I love even more that they are behind us. hehe

You still haven't figured out a real word yet and your walk could use some work, but to mommy and daddy you are perfect and your smile is contagious. Your sister adores you almost as much as you adore her and it makes mommy and daddy melt whenever you smile at each other and play together. Although there is nothing we like better than when you torture her a little bit. Don't worry though, she deserves it after the jealous wacks she used to give you when you first came home ;)

Thank you for making me smile every day. Thank you for hugging me the way you do. Thank you for coming to us and being our special little boy.

Love,
Momma

I take less Pictures Now

I take less pictures now because I like to be in the moment.  Sometimes when my children are doing something cute DH or someone will say, take a pic quick!

It is always nice to have pictures of good times, but I'll take staying in that memory right now instead of taking myself out of it for the picture.

There is give and take :)

So Big News - EMMA JEAN IS POTTY TRAINING

She actually doing quite well.  She doesn't many accidents at home or at school for that matter and she even wakes up with a dry pull-up most of the time.  The Caveat to that means she wakes up sometimes once or twice because she has to go potty, but I guess I can't get too mad............

EXCEPT...........

LAST NIGHT, when she screams at 5am she has to go potty and wakes up my other child, than both are just UP! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  Oh yeah, extra fun stuff is when this happens when DH is AWAY ON BUSINESS!!!!!!!! F - M - L

Other Big news - Matthew is now eating the menu at school!!!! Bottles on their way out and sippy cups coming in the future.

So Mom didn't get the best news at the doctor recently but we are still on the "glass half full" train..... It's tough to talk about more in the sense of, nobody knows any answers..........literally.............nobody more than an emotional toughness to talk about.

We all have our moments of sadness/madness/confusion/weakness/fear but today I talked to my mom, so today is a great day.  Yesterday I saw her and kissed her and that was an even better today. I think tomorrow might be pretty good too :)

Lots of things happening in the coming weeks..........Celebrating my friend Jen's bridal shower at the end of the month - Can't wait :)

Then a family wedding coming up - It'll be nice to dance and drink and be merry with some of the people that matter the most.

Matthew turns 1 next month (WAH WAH WAH)

Then we have more wedding festivities and birthdays and did I mention (5 year wedding anniversarys?) WHOA!

I can not live life enjoying every blessing if I do not accept that there are also bumps along the road. I am so lucky to appreciate love and life and continue to show it to the ones that matter the most.

Until Next time.......

These Days

These days I spill coffee on myself (just now)

These days I look forward to vacation everyday :)

These days work is busy for me and DH and I don't know how to get everything done.

These days I love to hang out with my parents and my family.

These days I still try to appreciate how wonderful my life is, because it is pretty great.

These days I try every day to be more relaxed. I'm getting there :)

These days I think I'm going to start working out regularly really really soon.

These days I miss playing field hockey!

These days I am realizing how my children are my world and 90% of the reason my world is so wonderful......DH gets some credit too!

These days I don't want my babies to grow up but reasoning would be a fun little thing for Emma to give a try :)

These days are so precious and fun.

These days Matthew started "run crawling" and pulling himself up and working on solids......my perfect little man.

These days Emma is just the cutest spiciest little lady.  She makes us laugh more than anything and she is so sweet to her brother. My perfect little lady.

Life Updates:

We finally got a dining room set:

LOVE IT!

Emma wasn't a pool fan but at Grandma and Grandpa's she saw her cousin's Rory and Caden having fun and it made her wanna give it a try.  By the end she was getting thrown in the air and having a blast and all right before the beach (thank god).

Emma is going #1 in the potty every now and again.  Personally I'm not really into pushing it. We will get there, just like everything else.

Emma sleeps great in her toddler bed and got her first princess dress PJ's from Aunt Brookie.  She is so obsessed with it I think I just have to get 1 or 2 more.  It needs to be washed at least sometimes.

Matthew is crazy.

Matthew is so happy all the freakin time it's kind of weird. :)

He's teething like a beast.  Which gives us sleepless nights and blowouts galore. But no matter what, every time I call his name all I get is a smile from ear to ear!

My cuddlebug my heart my little boy!!! I'm obsessed, future girlfriends BEWARE!

Anyway,

It's Tuesday......Vacay is Saturday - We can make it if we all work together....Oh yeah, DH is away in Nashville all week gallivanting. Or he's working his butt off for the betterment of his family but who's counting??

All I have to do is 

Pack my clothes

Pack Kids clothes

Go grocery shopping

Pack kids daily needs

Pack Bathroom stuff

Find some King Bed Sheets

Pack Beach Stuff

Pack kid's beach stuff

Get the Lawn taken care of

Clean the house

Figure out how to fit everything in my car!!!!

Until next time :)

9 month baby boy

Age: 9 months

Weight & Height: 25 lbs.  - 31 inches. 99th percentiles 

Things I enjoy: Crawling and pulling myself up to a standing position. 

Skills I've mastered: I am really good at eating baby food and sitting up on my own!!!

Looking forward to:  Saying a word or two and walking :)

Tough Times: I'm still not sleeping through the night every night.  It's tough because Emma was sucking her thumb and self soothing at this point and I just can't figure out my thumb and sometimes Mr. Binks falls out and I can't find him. I do love mommy's cuddles too so I like to ask her for some in the middle of the night. 

Exciting Events: I got to spend the night at Aunt Brookie's without Emma which was so fun because I got all the attention.  I also love pulling myself up on everything!

Looking forward to: The BEACH! 1 month and I'll finally see what everyone keeps yapping about!!!

EMMA'S 9 month update

Age: 9 months and 3 weeks (A little late!)

Weight & Height: 19 lbs. 12 oz.  - 29.5 inches. She's still in the 90 something percentile for height.  

Things I enjoy: Crawling and pulling myself up to a standing position. 

Skills I've mastered: I can crawl so fast my mommy calls it a run crawl. I can also babble with the best of them.

Looking forward to:  Saying a word or two and walking :)

Tough Times: We definitely had a tough time recently with all my sicknesses.  I had RSV and two ear infections and then the antibiotics gave me stomach issues which led to more issues. I still have 2 ear infections, but the new antibiotic is going down much better and hopefully I'll be 100% soon!

Exciting Events: I have been doing lots of exciting things these days.  Mommy and Daddy lug me everywhere and I just got to watch my cousin Connor play his first basketball game.

Looking forward to: The spring and summer coming and being able to play outside!