So I've definitely tried to write this many different times and many different ways.
Blogs are supposed to be fluff. Upbeat and happy and nonsensical stupid life stuff. I think they are for the narcissistic people in life because you just keep writing about yourself thinking other people care. Obviously people care about me because I'm so cool, but seriously, I like keeping it about fun stuff. However, this blog is about my life. My family, my DH, my two beautiful children. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Fortunately I've been playing baseball/softball since I was like 7 so I've been able to hit a curve ball or two out of the park :)
21 months ago I became a mother. It definitely made me appreciate my mother more, but I still took and probably still take her for granted. I said to myself a few months ago that every good mother is probably under appreciated and taken for granted, because their love is so unconditional that no matter what we do as children, we know they are ALWAYS going to do everything/anything for us to make us happy. I can only hope that my children feel so safe that they take my love for granted in the same way.
You see other people who have lost their mother or who maybe even never met their mother for many different reasons. You see people who unfortunately don't feel unconditional love from their mothers and you tell yourself, God I am SO LUCKY! My mom is the freakin BEST! I'm definitely going to write her love notes about just how great she is and I'm never going to get mad at her again. I'm going to treat her how she should be treated. You keep telling yourself these things over and over again. and you just keep living and don't change much for long.
January 2nd, 2015 I get a call that we need to come up and have a family talk. Little was said but we knew it was about Mom. I remember driving up from Baltimore and looking at the clock at 10:55am. I was almost back home to have our talk and I remember saying to myself. My life is about to change forever. This is the last time I'll look at a clock and my life will feel perfect. I did have a perfect life, and I knew it and I knew it was all about to end.
To make a long story short, or maybe just not as long, my mother informed us that she had gotten a chest X-ray because she had pneumonia and they found a mass.
It's been 19 days since January 2nd and I don't think I've ever been on such an emotional roller coaster.
My mother was diagnosed with Small Cell Lung Cancer.
Don't get me wrong...this ain't no pity party. Yeah, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and it's probably one of the worst ones to get (just our luck). This is big, but this is also just another event in our lives. My mother is a fighter. She is a freakin' badass. Trust me. My whole life my mom has been so strong, mentally and physically. She's been ready for any fight and always gives 100%.
This is going to be a long LONG road. It isn't going to be easy and it isn't going to be fun. But we are in this together as a family. We are all there to pick each other up on our bad days.
I'm fortunate to have a faith that keeps me strong and keeps me positive. I may have mentioned before that I am a CONTROL FREAK! With this situation I know I have absolutely NO CONTROL with what may come. For some reason I'm ok with it too. I've surrendered all I have to whatever God wants to work their magic....GOD, Allah, Buddha, Zeus. I don't discriminate :)
I love my mother. Consider yourself lucky if you've come to know her and can call her a friend. She's the best and she's pretty darn cute too!
Until Next time...............
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
I don't know if you can tell by the pics, but Matthew seems to be absolutely LOVING daycare! I'm also loving the fact that he has adjusted well.
Why do I title this opposites?
Because when Emma was 15 weeks old, she was sleeping for 9-10 hours a night and Matthew is 16 weeks old and only sleeping 6 hours. Those 3 hours are NECESSARY for my sanity!!!!
Matthew is about double the size Emma used to be and I just wonder if breastmilk before bed is ever going to fill him up. It's a constant struggle I have. I want him to be able to get a full night of sleep because I know he needs it and honestly, I NEED IT TOOOOOOOo!!! :)
Last night I got up at 3am to a lovely BLOWOUT, through his clothes, through his sleep sack and all over the bed. ugh!
Is it bad I wish he would learn to suck his thumb like Emma did so he could maybe comfort himself back to sleep? He can't figure out how to get that sucker in there and normally ends up gagging himself. (which I must admit can be amusing). He also doesn't love to pacifier to be honest. He's not an oral fixation kind of baby. DARN IT! :)
I will say he does normally at least go down pretty easy at the beginning of the night. We've got bedtime routine down pretty good where we start between 7 - 8 (depending on how Emma is doing) and someone bathes Emma and after she gets out and gets ready for bed the other bathes Matthew. After Emma's bath we do teeth brushing, which she doesn't hate anymore, hair brushing, lotioning (which she does hate) and then we lay in her "reading corner" and read at least 3 books. Then we turn out the light and watch her night light puppy buddy light the room for a few minutes and in to bed we go. Normally this works like a charm 95% of the time.
Matthew then gets a bath, lotions, bottle/breast then bed around 830. You try to put him down earlier and it doesn't really work.
Here is Emma and Savannah enjoying a delicious Popsicle from Grammy.
I love this pic :)
Grammy and Matthew
Savy loves her cousin!!!!!!!!
Everything is right in the middle of happening so it's extremely stressful. (buying our house, mortgage papers, selling our house, open houses) THE WORST! But, I know everything will work out and it'll be perfect.
Matthew's 4 month appt. is next Friday so we'll update the Buddha's height and weight if they even come up on the baby scales ;)