Momma

So I've definitely tried to write this many different times and many different ways.

Blogs are supposed to be fluff.  Upbeat and happy and nonsensical stupid life stuff.  I think they are for the narcissistic people in life because you just keep writing about yourself thinking other people care.  Obviously people care about me because I'm so cool, but seriously, I like keeping it about fun stuff. However, this blog is about my life.  My family, my DH, my two beautiful children.  Sometimes life throws you a curve ball.  Fortunately I've been playing baseball/softball since I was like 7 so I've been able to hit a curve ball or two out of the park :)

21 months ago I became a mother.  It definitely made me appreciate my mother more, but I still took and probably still take her for granted.  I said to myself a few months ago that every good mother is probably under appreciated and taken for granted, because their love is so unconditional that no matter what we do as children, we know they are ALWAYS going to do everything/anything for us to make us happy.  I can only hope that my children feel so safe that they take my love for granted in the same way.

You see other people who have lost their mother or who maybe even never met their mother for many different reasons. You see people who unfortunately don't feel unconditional love from their mothers and you tell yourself, God I am SO LUCKY!  My mom is the freakin BEST!  I'm definitely going to write her love notes about just how great she is and I'm never going to get mad at her again. I'm going to treat her how she should be treated.  You keep telling yourself these things over and over again. and you just keep living and don't change much for long.

And then..............................

January 2nd, 2015 I get a call that we need to come up and have a family talk. Little was said but we knew it was about Mom.  I remember driving up from Baltimore and looking at the clock at 10:55am. I was almost back home to have our talk and I remember saying to myself.  My life is about to change forever.  This is the last time I'll look at a clock and my life will feel perfect. I did have a perfect life, and I knew it and I knew it was all about to end.

To make a long story short, or maybe just not as long, my mother informed us that she had gotten a chest X-ray because she had pneumonia and they found a mass.

Lung Cancer

It's been 19 days since January 2nd and I don't think I've ever been on such an emotional roller coaster.

My mother was diagnosed with Small Cell Lung Cancer.

Don't get me wrong...this ain't no pity party.  Yeah, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and it's probably one of the worst ones to get (just our luck).  This is big, but this is also just another event in our lives.  My mother is a fighter. She is a freakin' badass. Trust me. My whole life my mom has been so strong, mentally and physically.  She's been ready for any fight and always gives 100%.

This is going to be a long LONG road.  It isn't going to be easy and it isn't going to be fun.  But we are in this together as a family.  We are all there to pick each other up on our bad days.

I'm fortunate to have a faith that keeps me strong and keeps me positive.  I may have mentioned before that I am a CONTROL FREAK! With this situation I know I have absolutely NO CONTROL with what may come. For some reason I'm ok with it too.  I've surrendered all I have to whatever God wants to work their magic....GOD, Allah, Buddha, Zeus.  I don't discriminate :)

I love my mother.  Consider yourself lucky if you've come to know her and can call her a friend.  She's the best and she's pretty darn cute too!

Until Next time...............

OPPOSITES

I don't know if you can tell by the pics, but Matthew seems to be absolutely LOVING daycare!  I'm also loving the fact that he has adjusted well.

Why do I title this opposites?

Because when Emma was 15 weeks old, she was sleeping for 9-10 hours a night and Matthew is 16 weeks old and only sleeping 6 hours. Those 3 hours are NECESSARY for my sanity!!!!

Matthew is about double the size Emma used to be and I just wonder if breastmilk before bed is ever going to fill him up.  It's a constant struggle I have.  I want him to be able to get a full night of sleep because I know he needs it and honestly, I NEED IT TOOOOOOOo!!! :)

Last night I got up at 3am to a lovely BLOWOUT, through his clothes, through his sleep sack and all over the bed.  ugh!  

Is it bad I wish he would learn to suck his thumb like Emma did so he could maybe comfort himself back to sleep?  He can't figure out how to get that sucker in there and normally ends up gagging himself. (which I must admit can be amusing).  He also doesn't love to pacifier to be honest.  He's not an oral fixation kind of baby.  DARN IT!  :)

I will say he does normally at least go down pretty easy at the beginning of the night.  We've got bedtime routine down pretty good where we start between 7 - 8 (depending on how Emma is doing) and someone bathes Emma and after she gets out and gets ready for bed the other bathes Matthew.  After Emma's bath we do teeth brushing, which she doesn't hate anymore, hair brushing, lotioning (which she does hate) and then we lay in her "reading corner" and read at least 3 books. Then we turn out the light and watch her night light puppy buddy light the room for a few minutes and in to bed we go.  Normally this works like a charm 95% of the time.

Matthew then gets a bath, lotions, bottle/breast then bed around 830.  You try to put him down earlier and it doesn't really work. 

Here is Emma and Savannah enjoying a delicious Popsicle from Grammy. 

I love this pic :)

 Grammy and Matthew

Savy loves her cousin!!!!!!!!

So, lots of things going on in life these days.  Did I mention we're MOVING! TO ANOTHER STATE!!! PA that is.  Back to my hometown area.  I'm so very excited.  We've found our dream house and we'll be so close to my family and closer to DH's family as well.  Bye Bye 6 hour carrides home from the in-laws!!!!!!!!!!

Everything is right in the middle of happening so it's extremely stressful. (buying our house, mortgage papers, selling our house, open houses) THE WORST!  But, I know everything will work out and it'll be perfect.

Matthew's 4 month appt. is next Friday so we'll update the Buddha's height and weight if they even come up on the baby scales ;)

13 weeks

Do we see a resemblance?

I'd say so :)

Back to work I go....

So here I am, back at work.........

I am taking a mental break to write this :) I came back to loads of work and I'm definitely happy about that.  It's nice to keep my mind busy rather than wondering how it's going at daycare, even though I am wondering how it's going.

Looking back, I was so sad to send Emma off.  I felt guilt and fear and a lot of unknowns.  It is such a blessing to not feel the same emotions or at least not so much of the same emotions.  Obviously you feel a little sad and scared to leave them for the first time, but I think I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it again, I really love and trust my daycare.

We had a great night last night and Emma and Matthew slept great.  They both actually had to be woken up for the day.  Mind you, Matthew had been up 2 or 3 times throughout the night, but that's to be expected.

DH and I got the kids dressed and fed, in the car and out the door without any hiccups on Day 1.  I'll take it.  As I drove to daycare I got a tiny bit emotional, but no tears were shed.  My little angels were silent and happy the whole way there.  Emma did a great job carrying in her new lunchbox to school as I carried Matthew, his food, extra snacks, my purse, Emma's cot, etc. :) hahaha.  We had helpers as soon as we walked in take Emma and Matthew and just give me some extra support on my first day.

Emma got settled first and then we got Matthew all out and comfortable before I left.  He's got 5 bottles and 3 extra frozen for school.  I'm curious to see what feeding schedule he chooses, as he eats pretty often at home :)

I walked out of the center with no tears and a smile on my face.  I'm already ready to go and give them both a squeeze, but I have to be honest, I am enjoying the adult interaction and quiet office that comes with going back to work.

I'm sure everything will be great, but a check-in may be in order as well.  :)

Until next time!

These Days

These days things seem crazy.  I feel like we are trying to get some type of schedule happening and it's working little by little.  I'll take every inch I can get.  

Our schedule seems to be working more on weekday nights.  Emma gets home around 530 - 600pm and we have dinner together. After dinner is cleanup time and playtime.  

Bathtime starts around 730 pm for Emma

( a little later than before because she's getting a little older).

While one of us bathes and puts Emma to bed the other has Matthew and he gets bathtime after Emma.  

Emma normally is asleep around 800 - 815pm and Matthew has been starting to go to sleep around 830 - 900 pm.

Even though the kids go to bed later, we still don't get to sleep around 10 - 11pm because after bedtime then comes cleanup again and folding the laundry we couldn't get to, actually having adult conversations and taking care of all the other odds and ends we couldn't do with two kids to take care of at the same time.  I think it's working though.

So Emma and I had our first baking experience.  Did I talk about this already?  I don't think so, but I definitely fulfilled a dream I'm not sure I knew I had.  Baking with her was SO FUN!  I hope she liked it even half as much as I did.  We had matching aprons that she loved and she loved putting the ingredients in the bowl.  She was even very good at not touching the KitchenAid while it was on.  

 Best part - tasting the fruits of your labor!

Our Brother-in-law, Tom, called us up and said he had a john deere tractor that his son (our nephew) had outgrown and wondered if we wanted it............UM YES!

 

Emma isn't really sure if she likes it or not and I'm pretty sure DH and I had more fun pushing the pedal instead of Emma, but hopefully by the spring she'll have her confidence up and be able to move around the yard.  Ugh, it was ridiculously cute.

Emma is as always obsessed with her brother and loving that we are letting her hold him more.  She always wants to hug him.  She's growing up so much and still learning new words on a daily basis.  Her current obsessions are saying bottle and apple.  I'm not sure if Apple was the first word they learned at school but she says it extremely clearly all the time.

She has also started yelling HI DADDY or HI MOMMY when she sees us.  Nothing is better than that.

Matthew is still growing like a weed.  He's in about 6-9 month clothes...YIKES!  He is also growing so much.  He smiles all the time and has become less cranky when he's awake.  He is starting to like his playmat (slowly) and also starting to be able to sit in a chair for a little while without being bounced or vibrated.  He is also "talking" up a storm.  If you talk to him he will normally goo goo and ga ga right back at you.  He is getting very good at going to sleep right around the same time every night and going back to sleep after each feed.  He's waking up at 530am for the day these days which isn't my favorite but at least I get to hang out with Emma before daycare because of it.

Only 11 days until daycare starts.  I'm happy and a little sad.  It's easy to take these days for granted, but I am excited to get back into the adult world.  Hopefully we can get some sort of morning routine together.  I'm fortunate to have a husband that is able and willing (more important) to help me out.  We'll see how it works and I'm sure I'll blog about it too.

I don't think I'm going to cry this time at daycare.  We have a familiar face in Matthew's room and I trust her 100% completely so we shall see.  I also didn't think I would cry when we left him overnight, but I did shed a few tears.  Hopefully Emma will distract me at dropoff so I don't embarrass myself like I did with her.  The waterworks were going strong at her first dropoff.

I already have an overflowing plate awaiting me at work, which I think is another godsend.  I'd rather be too busy than have too much freetime to think about baby boy.  

We head up to DH's neck of the woods on Sunday for the Christmas vacation.  He is actually taking a few days off of work as well so I'm excited to spend some time together as a family.  Maybe we'll even get a night out when Grandma and Grandpa watch the babes.  Then we will head down to my family's house on Christmas morning.  A tradition DH and I have had for about 4 - 5 years now and very happy to keep it going.  Christmas breakfast is one of my favorites and Christmas dinner with about 30 of us is always overwhelming in the best way!

Until Next time...........

One of my Favorite Things in the World

So one day I turned on the TV and I watched a movie that changed my life..........Julie & Julia.

I've always liked to cook. I may have already posted about this before, but I'll do it again because it's been long enough that at least I forget about it, so you probably have too.

My mom was always a good cook and I learned a lot from my Grandmother as well.  When everyone else was out cutting my grandparent's grass, I was inside helping her with dinner.  She taught me a lot and being in the kitchen with her are some of my fondest memories.  We've had large family dinners my whole life and having 5 - 8 people in the kitchen is the norm for me and honestly what I prefer.  It brings everyone together and your making something delicious. 

Anyway, back to Julia.  After I saw this movie for the first time I became obsessed with Julia Child and her cooking. For Christmas that year my mother bought me the BEST GIFT (seen below). 

I don't cook from this often, but I have definitely whipped it out several times and it is never a disappointment.  Beef Bourginon is my favorite dish to cook. (i'm sure I misspelled it).  It takes me all day, but we LOVE it.  

Yesterday I decided on just a roasted chicken.

Mind you the book says you won't even make this perfect unless you're obsessed with making it perfect......i tried.

 

I was surprised by two things, 1 - I didn't cover it, and 2 - you cook it on it's side. (both sides after flipping it halfway through)

You have to baste it every 8 minutes.  8 MINUTES! I may have been off a few times, but in the end it was SO JUICY!

I think it looked amazing when I was finished and personally I think it tasted great as well.  Hubby gave it a 6 out of 10.  I'll take his review with a grain of salt, because I don't think I can make a better whole chicken than that.  Personally he just isn't a fan of whole chickens so I think he was biased.

Emma ate it, so it's a win for me!

Until next time.

2 Month Update

Age: 2 Months

Weight & Height: So Momma was right.  I was 15 lbs. 10 oz. at my 2 month appointment.  The first time they measured my height I was 26 inches which was off the charts.  They measured me again and decided I was 24 and 3/4 inches.  Still in the 99th percentile for height and weight and loving every minute of it.  Mommy's breastmilk is giving me everything I need to grow up big and strong.  I know it's taking a toll on her because I eat A LOT, but I really appreciate it and I know she loves being able to do it, because some mommys want to do it and can't. 

Things I enjoy: I love bath time.  I really enjoy my bouncy chair.  I LOVE TO EAT and I love to be held all the time. - none of these have changed. 

Skills I've mastered: Remember when I told you guys I mastered one long stretch of sleep a night?? I lied!  The past 3 nights I just can't get comfortable.  I'm awake for most of the night so mommy and me sleep til about 8 - 9am in the mornings to make up for it.  I'm hoping to get back on track by the end of the month.  I know I can do it!  I'm only 2 months old so I'm not putting too much pressure on myself, although mom gets pretty upset by about 3am in the nighttime when I decide I'm just not interested in sleeping except 2 seconds after I start eating, but I just wake up when she tries to put me down again.  I'll get there, I just don't want her to think it's too easy this early on.

Looking forward to: Laughing and sleeping through the entire night. - DEFINITELY

Tough Times: Although nights are tough, those are really the only tough times.  I don't cry during the day as much as I used to and even though nights are tough, I'm a baby, what do you expect?

Exciting Events: Thanksgiving was everything they told me it would be and more.  I got to meet so many people and I got presents and endless hugs and kisses.  I was exhausted by the end of the day, but Emma was there the whole time to make sure I was ok. 

Looking forward to: CHRISTMAS!  I hear I'm going to get even MORE presents.  I really don't need anything, but I just love hanging out with the family.

So Chris and I went to Pittsburgh for the night last Saturday.  I was AWESOME!  We went out in Southside and had sushi and drinks and it was just a great time.  I drank water pretty much continuously so not waking up with a hangover was an additional bonus.  Sunday morning we went to the casino and then the STEELERS GAME! They lost, but wouldn't have traded our nosebleed seats for the world.  It was so nice to spend time just Chris and I.  He's a blast to hang out with and we need these times to ourselves, even if they are far and few between right now.

We put the tree up and Emma LOVES Christmas lights.  it's so cute, everytimes she sees lights she goes "WOW".  So I make sure to point them out at every house I see.  I'm even getting her to say "HO HO HO" in a low voice. She has no idea who Santa is or Christmas, but that's ok.  She loves the tree and the advent calendar we have that gives her a tiny chocolate treat every day as we countdown the days before Christmas.

We'll be doing Scranton and Coatesville this year as usual.  Someday my children will be waking up in their own home Christmas morning, but not quite yet.  

I have a million pictures on my phone, but for some reason they aren't uploading to my computer.  I'll be sure to do a photodump soon.

Until Next time!